25 of the Funniest Dwight Schrute Quotes To Make You Smile Today

Last Updated on March 6, 2024 Table of Contents Dwight Schrute is one of the most memorable and lovable TV characters to emerge from the past decade. A fan-favorite from The Office, his charming awkwardness and know-it-all personality were a constant source of feel-good entertainment in the hit show.

Last Updated on March 6, 2024

Table of Contents

Dwight Schrute is one of the most memorable and lovable TV characters to emerge from the past decade.  A fan-favorite from The Office, his charming awkwardness and know-it-all personality were a constant source of feel-good entertainment in the hit show.

Character Information

Dwight Kurt Schrute is a fictional character from the American TV comedy series The Office. Played by Rainn Wilson, Schrute is largely based on Gareth Keenan, his counterpart from the original British version of the show. He is a proficient salesman at the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin, a paper-goods distribution company.

Dwight sees himself as more superior to his co-workers and refers to himself as the “Assistant Regional Manager” instead of his real position, “Assistant to the Regional Manager”. He considers himself second-highest in the office hierarchy next to Michael Scott.

Schrute speaks in an intense and soldier-like manner. In the show, he is always seen wearing a mustard short-sleeved shirt with a dark bowtie under a brown suit jacket. In an episode, he declares that he does not like to smile because showing one’s teeth is an act of submission among primates.

Always the competitive one, Schrute often showcases his vast knowledge and expertise in different fields, mostly to impress his boss. He has a habit of correcting his co-workers’ use of idiomatic expressions by disproving them with real-life facts.

However, behind his stoic and all-knowing façade, Schrute is actually quite ignorant and naïve. Because of this, he is usually the target of practical jokes and mischief by his fellow salesman and archenemy, Jim Halpert.

Character Origin and Interests

Schrute boasts about remembering his own childbirth, with his father delivering him and his mother biting the umbilical cord to cut it. He has a twin which he “resorbed” while they were still developing in the womb, pertaining to an event called twin embolization syndrome.

In light of this occurrence, Schrute believes that he possesses the “strength of a grown man and a little baby”. He also claims to have performed circumcision on himself. As the youngest of their brood, he claims that he raised his older siblings. Both his father and grandfather share the name Dwight Schrute.

He lives in a house in the middle of the Schrute family’s 60-acre farm. His house has nine bedrooms and only one bathroom. He grows beet and hemp on their farm to sell to local stores, street kiosks, and restaurants.

Schrute has formal training in surveillance and owns a huge arsenal of weapons. He is a martial artist – a purple belter in Goju-Ryu karate and considered a senpai (senior). He is bilingual, a fluent speaker of (mostly religious) German. He also claims to be an expert in framing people and even animals.

He is an avid pop culture and sci-fi fanatic, often mentioning his adoration for a lot of popular TV shows and sci-fi films. In sports, he is most skilled at playing tennis. He is a singer and musician, specializing in playing the guitar and the flute. Some of his other fascinations include online role-playing video games, heavy metal music, as well as muscle cars and steam-engine trains.

 

Lasting Impression and Life Lessons

Though considered a (trying-hard) sidekick to Michael Scott, Schrute is often cited as the breakout star of the series. The egotistic office worker who takes himself too seriously enamored fans and critics alike with his realist-geek persona. There are surely more than a few lessons that he can teach all of us, not only about the world of sales and business, but also about life.

Despite having poor social skills, Schrute was the top salesman at their office, proving that he is an intelligent and self-sufficient worker. He never wastes time and is always motivated to work hard toward his goals.

Thanks to his expertise in a wide range of fields, he knows how to take control of situations and make smart decisions. Driven by his despise for stupidity, he contemplates every move and strategizes every step of the way.

In the midst of all his cringe-worthy moments, he engages in self-serving activities that, in the end, turn out to be constructive. He is confident in his abilities and does not concern himself with the opinions of others.

He is also honest to the bone. He always speaks his mind and does not mince his words. Although this sometimes mars his relationship with his co-workers, he only thinks about what is best for him and their office.

Despite being the office oddball, Schrute proves that he is an asset. In fact, an academic research was conducted based on his character by Stanford, Brigham, and Northwestern universities. It was found that socially-inept individuals, such as Schrute’s character, are significant factors in making good business decisions.

To celebrate his character and his legacy, here are 25 funny and quirky life lessons from Dwight Schrute:

Dwight Schrute Quotes

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“You couldn’t handle my undivided attention.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“In an ideal world, I would have all 10 fingers on my left hand so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“Reject a woman, and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also, weak arms.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“Nothing stresses me out. Except having to seek the approval of my inferiors.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“It’s a real shame because studies have shown that more information gets passed through water cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage because I bring my own water to work.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“Congratulations on your one cousin. I have seventy, each one better than the last!” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“The principle is sound. To avoid illness, expose yourself to germs, enabling your immune system to develop antibodies. I don’t know why everyone doesn’t do this…Maybe they have something against living forever.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“I am fast. To give you a reference point I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose… And a panther.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“No, don’t call me a hero. Do you know who the real heroes are? The guys who wake up every morning and go into their normal jobs, and get a distress call from the Commissioner and take off their glasses and change into capes and fly around fighting crime. Those are the real heroes.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“I love catching people in the act. That’s why I always whip open doors.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“Would I ever leave this company? Look, I’m all about loyalty. In fact, I feel like part of what I’m being paid for here is my loyalty. But if there were somewhere else that valued loyalty more highly…I’m going wherever they value loyalty the most.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“Bread is the paper of the food industry. You write your sandwich on it.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“People underestimate the power of nostalgia. Nostalgia is truly one of the greatest human weaknesses, second only to the neck.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. Absolutely everything was the same…except I could fly.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man’s.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“All you need is love? False. The four basic human necessities are air, water, food and shelter.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“How would I describe myself? Three words: hardworking, alpha male, jackhammer, merciless, insatiable.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“I am ready to face any challenge that might be foolish enough to face me.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“Before I do anything I ask myself, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“I just want to be friends plus a little extra, also I love you.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“Ah, humor. I have it too.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“Identity theft is not a joke, Jim. Millions of families suffer every year.” – Dwight Schrute

Dwight Schrute Quotes

“What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless.” – Dwight Schrute

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